Are you about to get married? Do you want to make sure your marriage lasts until the end? Taking the plunge into marriage is a big step and you need to make sure you are prepared. What is the biggest mistake couples make before tying the knot and what is the best advice to avoid it? These relationship tips for women who are getting ready to get married are not only foolproof, but will also ensure you have a long-lasting and healthy marriage.
YourTango experts Jasbina Ahluwalia, Ellen Whitehurst, Abby Rodman and Maya Ezratti sat down with YourTango’s SVP of Experts Melanie Gorman to discuss what gives a relationship the strength to last until happily ever after.
These are the most tragic mistakes couples make before walking down the aisle:
1. Couples don’t investigate each other as they should
One mistake couples often make is not knowing everything about their partner. If you were going to start a business with someone, you would want to know everything you needed to know about them.
- Where they are
- How much money do they have?
- What are they willing to invest in?
- What will be the roles for the business?
Many couples get married without knowing these things about each other because they didn’t have any conversations before they got married.
2. Before getting married they did not delve into marital issues.
Before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should know everything about that person, otherwise you could face one of the common factors for divorce described in a 2001 study.
- How will you handle problems?
- How do you imagine your roles once you get married?
- How will you handle matters with your in-laws?
- How much family involvement do you see in decisions?
3. They didn’t take the time to observe their future spouse.
Preparing for a good marriage goes beyond just talking. You need to observe interactions over time to get to know the other person. This will give you a lot of information about how they react, beyond what you can say.
People who get married should pay attention to the behavior of their future spouse. What you see is what you get, so keep your eyes open to find out if your future spouse is in a situation where the buyer should beware.
4. They ignore complicated signals
If the relationship is complicated at the beginning, it will be more complicated when you get married, it doesn’t get easier. It’s easy to get over the good times with someone, but can you get over the harder times with them?
Marriage is a commitment and it is a challenge to spend the rest of your life with someone even if you like them. So you need to know if you can get through the tough times when you might not like them as much. How much can you stand this person?
This conversation needs to happen to truly determine the foundation of your marriage. You don’t want to walk down the aisle and think, “Wow, I don’t know this person at all.”
5. They don’t plan for change
With growth comes great changes in a relationship. If you have an established foundation in your marriage, when significant changes arise, it will be easier to handle them.
Change in a relationship looks like this:
- Children
- Death of a father
- Loss of a job
- Or any other significant change that brings with it new challenges.
A 2022 study reinforced that having an open line of communication is necessary for a good marriage, but that line needs to be open long before challenges arise.
6. Digging beneath the glow of love lies the jewel of marriage.
If couples want to avoid divorce, they need to get to know their partner and ask tough questions to get to the bottom of the matter. They need to be honest with their answers and listen openly to what they hear from their partner, as shown by 2017 research on premarital counseling.
Watch the video above to learn what questions you should ask your partner (and yourself) to avoid heartbreak and divorce.
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