Co-parenting can pose a number of challenges for families during the summer holidays, but there is one mistake divorced parents should avoid, according to lawyers.
Extended visitation, vacation planning and children’s preferences are common causes of discord between separated parents. Simpson Millar experts say one of the biggest mistakes divorced parents can make is not having a child care agreement in place for summer vacation, leading to disagreements and increased stress and emotions for both parents and children.
Lorraine Harvey, a family law expert at Simpson Millar, said: “For separated parents, planning school holidays can be challenging, but effective communication and clear agreements can make a big difference. It’s important to discuss and agree holiday times well in advance, to ensure both parents have quality time with the children.
“Consider staggering vacations or splitting time evenly to maintain balance. A written agreement can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure a smooth and enjoyable vacation period for everyone.”
The law firm says July is the second month with the most searches for “divorce lawyers,” indicating that more families need to hire childcare services. Arranging one before the start of summer vacation can help avoid major family conflicts.
Simpson Millar has pointed out seven more things to avoid when planning childcare. They are outlined below.
Not planning ahead for childcare
If you have an idea in mind about how you would like to spend time with your child or children during the holidays, make your proposal. Write it clearly in an email or other form of communication to describe what you would like.
Letting emotions guide communication around child care
If this is your first time arranging child custody for a holiday, remember that this will set the tone for future holidays. Therefore, when communicating, it is important to remain calm and, if communication is difficult, to speak through a third party.
Lack of consistency in the co-parenting schedule
Consistency and reliability are key for your children, especially if summer break means changes to your co-parenting schedule. Make sure you stick to your plan. Of course, circumstances may change, but let your co-parent know as soon as possible. However, you need to establish consistency in your home to help your child adjust to their new routine.
Do not receive advice from loved ones or a third party
If possible, discuss your proposal with someone else so you can consider all aspects before sharing it with your ex. It is important to consider:
- Why would you like this moment? (share your reasoning)
- What is important to you? Are you willing to compromise if necessary?
Lawyers also suggest looking at the issue from the perspective of both your ex-partner and your child. What is important to them? Are there any key dates when they must be together? That way, you can come up with a balanced agreement.
Do not take advice from other separated parents
If you have close friends, family members, or someone else you know who has a custody agreement in place, ask them for advice. Can you learn something from their agreement that you may not have considered? Always try to get an informed opinion before they make suggestions about agreements.
Not consulting your child about his or her wants and needs
Routine is very important for children as it helps them feel comfortable with both parents. Before you prepare your summer vacation proposal, talk to your children. Do they have plans with their friends or are they involved in any extracurricular activities that might affect your plans?
Remember that they are the ones who will be traveling between their parents so you should consider what they would like to do and avoid any unnecessary resentment on the part of your child or your ex-partner.
Being ignorant with your child makes other parents weird
Changes in routine can affect most adults, so this change is likely to affect your child. You should understand that these emotions are not personal, as your child will likely miss their other parent during the period when they are with you. However, it is important to understand and allow them to express their feelings. If your child is young, open lines of communication with the other parent to allow them to call you at bedtime or whenever they need it.
