Editor’s note: This article was originally published on November 9, 2022. It has since been updated.
Romantic relationships are complex and difficult to navigate for all ages. Sharing your life with another person can be a challenging task and often leads to misunderstandings and arguments if the people involved are not prepared to handle the obstacles productively. Fortunately, some early signs during the courtship and dating phase can give you an indication of whether the outcome will be positive if you decide to pursue a relationship with your love interest. These signs often fall into two categories: red flags and green flags. Red flags, as the name suggests, are warning signs of a person’s problematic and unhealthy patterns, while green flags indicate that the person is someone you can build a healthy and fulfilling relationship with.
A clinical psychologist on TikTok is doing his part to help people identify these red flags. Dr. Kyle Osbourne has made a series of videos titled “Green Flags in a Relationship You Probably Thought Were Red Flags.” In these videos, he talks about some behavioral patterns that, despite being mistaken for problems by some, are actually signs of a balanced personality. His videos have garnered millions of views as he attempts to simplify relationships and offer coping mechanisms for people in distress.
In the first video of the series, Osbourne talks about how people get alarmed when their relationship seems “boring.” The expert says this often happens with people who are used to living in chaotic and unpredictable environments. When one gets used to this unpredictability, they often find solace in the chaos that they mistake for passionate love. He urges his viewers to ask themselves if their relationship is actually functional and if they are simply not used to a drama-free life before concluding that it is a “boring” relationship.
In the second part, she points out that people often think that if their partner doesn’t pursue them, it’s a red flag. From a different perspective, Osbourne explains that people with “anxious and preoccupied attachments” seek comfort and a sense of security. Therefore, they often test their partner by being distant and expecting them to chase them or beg them to come back. When their partner tries to give them space to discover themselves and figure out what they really want, they are often misunderstood and seen as uninterested in the relationship. Osbourne says that before jumping to such conclusions, one should consider whether their partner is really not interested in them or is simply trying to give them some space.
Osbourne also discusses the aspect of relationships that relates to partners having other priorities outside of the relationship. She says that people who have experienced abandonment in the past may try to control their partner’s time in order to gain a sense of safety and security. They may also mistake their partner’s other interests for not prioritising the relationship. However, this may not be true, as having other important relationships can be a sign of being emotionally healthy.
Finally, the psychologist says that healthy arguments with your partner shouldn’t be a concern. Since two people have different values and mindsets, arguments are bound to arise from time to time. What matters is how they are managed. He urges his viewers to ask themselves whether arguments are a problem or an opportunity to learn more about the couple.
