7 Etiquette Mistakes Wedding Guests Make at Receptions

While wedding reception etiquette may seem obvious (find your seat when asked, get involved on the dance floor, don’t overdo it at the bar), planners have nearly endless stories of guests who didn’t quite hit the nail on the head: jumping into pools at historic properties marked “No Swimming,” inhaling morsels that were passed around before the newlyweds had a chance to try them, stealing the bride’s bouquet, and more.

Some of the most common etiquette breaches may be unintentional—maybe you thought everyone would love your impromptu toast or that no one would notice that you ignored the dress code. Regardless of the intent (or lack thereof) behind these common etiquette mistakes, it’s essential that you avoid them and instead be on your best behavior to make the day go smoothly for the newlyweds. Here, two wedding planners share some of the most common etiquette mistakes wedding guests make at the reception, so you can avoid them, period.

Not following the dress code

Traditional etiquette calls for avoiding white dresses at a wedding reception (though you do have some flexibility with dresses that are white or clearly not bridal and wouldn’t pop in photos). But what you shouldn’t wear can be just as important as what you should wear, says Heather Dwight of Calluna Events: Always follow the dress code. If the couple asks for an all-white palette, wear your best ivory gown; if they prefer a formal ceremony, pick your favorite dress; and if they’re hosting a cosplay celebration, break out a costume (then top off any of these outfits with accessories and details that match your personal style). “There’s a little bit of leeway here, but if it’s black tie and you’re coming casual, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb,” says Dwight.

Bringing uninvited guests

Many wedding guests make RSVP etiquette mistakes before they even attend the reception: they ask to bring a date when the invitation doesn’t specify or they substitute a best friend or other substitute who can for a companion who can’t attend. But serious mistakes can also happen. during The wedding, when guests arrive with extra companions, unwanted substitutes or uninvited children; don’t come at all after accepting the invitation; or don’t come at all without telling the couple. “It’s rude and annoying,” Dwight says.

(Accidentally) ruining the photos

The newlyweds have spent thousands of dollars on professional photographers to capture the details of their day. Vendors and the couple are begging Don’t ruin the final result by holding up your phone (or worse, your tablet) to block all the shots. Don’t let your technology interrupt photos of the cake cutting, first dance, or toasts, says Dwight, adding that you also shouldn’t ruin photos of the reception decor before the party by placing your coat or purse on your chair before the floor opens.

Changing seats or meals

Whether you’ve ended up at a reception table with your overly talkative Aunt Muriel, the bride’s stuck-up cousins, or coworkers you’ve never met, make the most of it: A wedding reception is not an event where you can ask to change seats (or, worse, change them yourself). “This happens at every wedding,” Dwight says. “The couple painstakingly prepares a seating chart, and at every wedding we have guests who want to change seats and also change their pre-ordered food option. All of this is planned in advance and in detail with the catering staff and the floor plans. If you really can’t stand your tablemates, smile throughout the meal and get out on the dance floor as soon as possible.

Taking the rents

While some couples invite their guests to take home their centerpieces, you should never Assume that flowers, table décor items, or place settings are intended as gifts. “Guests take the flowers with the vases, or in one case, a guest took the bridal bouquet!” says Dwight. Friends and family also tend to finish their last drink on the way to the after-party, and leave the reception with rented glasses or flutes. “We often have to take glassware away from drunk guests as they’re boarding the shuttles,” says Dwight. Follow a simple rule: If you didn’t bring it with you, don’t take it home.

Taking the microphone

Unless you’ve been invited to toast, don’t take the microphone (we repeat, don’t). Dwight says you can’t improvise a speech, as well as getting up on stage with the band to sing backing vocals or dance (you’re a guest, not the hired performer!).

If you are given the opportunity to speak, keep the script short and sweet: “Don’t go over the allotted time,” says event planner Chanda Daniels. “Making extremely long speeches can detract from the event, monopolize time, and potentially bore other guests. Adhering to these etiquette guidelines helps create a harmonious atmosphere, allowing everyone to enjoy the festivities and honor the couple’s special day.”

Bad behavior at the bar

After toasting with Champagne, having a glass or two can put you in a good mood, but neglecting to drink is a serious breach of etiquette. “Guests should avoid excessive drinking at the reception to maintain decorum and respect the special occasion,” says Daniels. “Excessive drinking can lead to disruptive behavior, overshadowing the couple’s celebration and causing a potential embarrassment or conflict situation. This also includes engaging in risky habits, such as reckless behavior or drug use, which can also lead to unnecessary drama and safety issues, detracting from the couple’s moment of joy.”