Are you expecting a baby? Nowadays, you can pay a concierge to get you strollers, an interior designer to design the baby’s room, and now, an expert to help you choose the newborn’s name.
You may scoff, but deciding what your little one will be called is the first big decision you’ll make as a parent.
And the impact a person’s name can have on their life should not be underestimated; for example, research has shown that women with masculine or unisex names, such as Cameron or Leslie, tend to be more successful at work.
A prominent example is Taylor Swift, whose parents, Andrea and Scott, worked in finance and thought giving their daughter a gender-neutral name would give her an edge in the business world later in life.
SJ with her husband Henrik, 45, who works in a bank, and their three children Freddie, 14, Finn, ten, and Evelina, seven.
Former advertising creative SJ Strum has blazed a trail as a baby-naming guru, running a consultancy to help expectant parents find the perfect moniker.
“Parents-to-be come to me with all sorts of name dilemmas, where they can’t agree,” says SJ, 43, who lives in Surrey with her husband Henrik, 45, who works in a bank, and their three children Freddie, 14, Finn, ten, and Evelina, seven. All the names have been carefully selected, of course.
“One woman was desperate to name her baby after her dog, Isla, which I advised against. Another was horrified because her husband, a huge Winnie The Pooh fan, wanted to name their baby Christopher Robin,” says SJ.
‘I’ve met countless people whose mothers-in-law have left them in tears over their choice of an untraditional name: one deemed Olive “disgusting,” while another announced there was no way she was going to have a grandchild named Bodhi.
‘Sisters have argued over who gets to use a much-loved grandparent’s name when they are pregnant with the same sex at the same time, while some couples barely speak to each other because they can’t agree on a name.’
SJ started a YouTube channel about baby names ten years ago alongside his day job and soon realized he was onto something.
‘I made a funny video called Baby Name Wars, based on my disagreement with my husband over choosing names for our kids; he’s more traditional than I am. I was inundated with messages from people wanting help. One of the first requests was for a list of old-fashioned baby names that were coming back into style.’
SJ works by putting together a brief for each client based on their lifestyle, experiences and tastes in everything from interiors to holidays and fashion. All of this, she says, provides clues and tips on how daring they can be with a name.
‘I’ll curate lists for parents based on their passions and interests, as well as themes, flowers, styles or languages they love, experiences, special places and meanings that reflect their values.’
Names have fascinated SJ ever since she was a child, when she spent years choosing nicknames for her dolls. Another motivation was that she didn’t like her own name: Sarah-Jayne.
‘My parents tried to make it different by adding the hyphen and the letter y to the name Jayne, but I was shy and hated having to spell it all the time. My friends and family started calling me SJ when I was older.
‘I always stick with traditional spellings of even the most unusual names (Winter, not Wynter, for example), because I think it helps a child in life if they don’t have to constantly spell their own name or mispronounce it.’
She’s been through this with her own children’s names, too. Henrik got her wish for a traditional name with his eldest son, Freddie, so when baby number two came along, she campaigned for something more unusual.
Names have fascinated SJ since she was a child, when she spent years choosing nicknames for her dolls.
Taylor Swift’s parents, Andrea and Scott, both worked in finance and thought giving their daughter a gender-neutral name would give her an edge in the business world later in life.
‘Finn wasn’t a common name at the time, but then it became very popular, so I was a little disappointed.’
Popularity is a common concern for her clients, who do not want their child to be one of the legions of other Emilys or Eleanors at school in the future.
“By looking at a name’s trajectory over the years, I can determine which ones go in and out of popularity very quickly, like Hunter and Jackson,” SJ explains. “There’s more fast fashion in names now than ever before. If a name has been steadily increasing in popularity for a few years, I’ll let parents know where I think it will be on the charts in five years.”
Practicing what she preaches, when her daughter was born in 2017, SJ settled on Evelina, a name derived from Henrik’s Swedish heritage, after searching for more unusual ideas.
‘Your baby’s name brings them to life and will make your heart race when you see it on their school tags or on your phone screen when they’re older, so it’s crucial to get it right.’
SJ’s top tips on what to do and what not to do when choosing your child’s name…
DO:
• Make the process of choosing your child’s name a fun activity that you both enjoy. Sit down together once a week to brainstorm ideas and enjoy it!
• Consider a unisex name. The so-called Portia Effect (named after Portia dressing as a woman in The Merchant of Venice) says that women with sexually ambiguous names perform better in the workplace, which comes in handy if you want your little girl to one day be a CEO.
• If you speak a language or love a particular country, dig deeper. Take Spain as an example. Inés (meaning “pure”) is a beautiful alternative to the more popular Isla. Ariadna (meaning “most holy”) is a popular name for girls in Spain, and Mateo, the Spanish version of Matthew, is a more modern take on a classic.
• Spend time researching names that have themes, not just letters of the alphabet. Do you love to travel, read, or play music? These are all great themes to find meaningful names that you’ll love.
• Say the names out loud throughout the house – it can help you decide which ones you really love.
• Get creative with tribute names. A recent client wanted to honor her grandfather, Ian, when she had her little girl, so we came up with names that included the letters IAN, like Indiana and Eliana. Another lady wanted a tribute to her father, Frank, so we included names like Franklyn and Frankie.
• Remind stubborn grandparents that just as you have different tastes in decor and clothing, they should understand that your baby’s name is also a reflection of your style.
• Remember that if you change your mind about your baby’s name after birth, you can change it simply by notarising it for £40.
NO
• Let other people’s opinions influence you. Share and discuss your name ideas with your loved ones if you want. But if you don’t want to, a good way to deflect questions and keep your ideas a secret is to say, “We’re still deciding.”
• Don’t feel pressured to announce the name as soon as your baby is born. Take your time until you are sure.
• Falling into the veto trap! When couples disagree, I encourage them to explain why they don’t like a name or think it’s the right one, rather than saying, “I just don’t like it.” Suggest a new name for each one they discard.
• This one’s for family and friends… if you don’t like a baby’s name, don’t tell the parents. Instead, show interest by asking them how they came up with it.
• Distract yourself with A-Z lists. Most parents want a name that has personal meaning, so think about places, people, memories and moments that are special to you, or a theme that reminds you of the life you want for your child. There’s a big boom in nature-related names, like Willow and River, as we increasingly crave a “back-to-basics” childhood for our children.
• Discuss names with your partner! If one of you likes old-fashioned names and the other prefers modern nicknames, it’s like buying the same item at two very different stores. Instead, look at the sounds, letters, or “vibe” of a name and see what you can come up with together. Might there be a fun nickname or a beautiful antique gem you can bring up?
For more inspiration, visit sjstrum.co.uk and @sj_strum
